June 2011
5 posts
i haven't..
cried in such a long time, but here i am pouring out.Im so dumb, all i did was hang out with him..and now i feel like all the happiness got sucked out of me.
now i have to restart this whole process again.I have to stay in for a couple of days and recover from this dumb heartache..
how dumb was i?…to think anything good would come out of this
i tried to enjoy a night out with my friends...
ugh..
hanging out with him makes me sad
whyd i fuck up
why didnt i stay away.
i have to end this here.
May 2011
17 posts
ahhh i fuhd up
drunken night with joan
he cheated gah :/
well atleast i know my feelings are fading for him :]
and i thought...
i would be completely fine when school ended
but no..
ill be fine when he fucking leaves the country.
…..I love this.
finally feeling the strings un-tie themselves.
now i can breath a little easier.
i cant wait till i’m completely fine.
The End
…and maybe one day we’ll be just friends.
But for now we’re strangers.Finally going our separate ways.But before then
before i completely try to forget you…i want to write what you truly were to me.
Protection, the one thing i always wanted…since i was a little girl.Your hugs made me feel so safe.And honestly i loved your anger problems, you made it feel like no...
Prom night :]
was AMAZING.
i havent had so much fun in a while
and getting my life back on track
just makes shit better for me
i can now enjoy a night out , without negative thoughts.
i love this.i love this feeling, and theres no way in hell im giving up
i feel stronger..
and day by day he fades away
and now my tears can stay in
cause i cant even cry anymore.
i feel like….
im...
So... far...
i dont miss you
well kinda but not really
i like this feeling…of having my life back
everythings going back to the norm
..and…i think of it this way
im so much stronger because…
im learning to live without you..
your learning to live without me… by replacing me.
your weak.
oh…and yea they distract me
but deep down all i want is you.
“They say two wrongs don’t make it right
so if i’m wrong i...”
– Wyclef
so...
i totally jinxed myself with that last post
…cause i had such a good dream
and woke up with the worst feeling.
:/
Im going to sleep...
and maybe tonight i wont miss you.
BITING BITING BITING
biting down on these fucking nails to the core.
im so nervous…for EVERYTHING.
FUCK MY LIFE...!!!
just ran out of god damn printing paper
…omg i hate this week with a passion.
.....im so
exhausted
and going to school with my nerves all knotted up sends me down a spiral of depression
knowing that i can possibly get kicked out tomorrow sucks even more
having my heart bruised in 87 different spots adds onto that
and working all weekend on my projects has got my head pulsating more blood than ever.
shit...
cant get any worse.
god i hate this feeling
…i want him….badly
i want to fix shit.
i hate this.
i know…i have the potential to make him happy….i think i can do it.
if only he would let me.
April 2011
20 posts
“I’ve got some issues that nobody can see
And all of these emotions are...”
– Kid Cudi
....
“fuck me”
is not how i feel.
its just my way of lightning the mood.
i….dont…want….sex.
I dont...
want to take today for granted.
I want to live every day happily
Francisco a.k.a franky panky a.k.a kumba a.k.a...
Francisco,
never thought youd become a good ass friend.Never took the time to realize how much that fight affected you.Never took the time to realize you would throw it in my face -__-
Dead ass i love you to death.and i would so apologize to the extreme for what happened.but its not like you’ll believe my apology.
I wish that we could forget the past.I wish i would’ve just left it...
Hola
things are pretty alright
im happy
ive met a lot of people and ive grown so close to them.i love it
now every weekend is some crazy as adventure, sober or not.
<3 my friendships are helping me so much.
I honestly cant wait till summer comes :]
i hate how
…fucking pathetic i am.
MARIELY STOP writing on this.
One more...
… destructive night.
where my body shakes under the sheets.
Hold on tight to something thats not there.
Close your eyes to a black dream.
Wake up with a tearful scream.
Weak, your body trembles in pain
but your not suffering from any strains?
if only they new it was heartbreak
that puts me in this sleeping state.
How pathetic
again i read my tumblrs and there so depressing
i want to write something good on here.wtf
PLease tell me that im not the only one going through this
or am i some sick psycho? some disgusting girl who revolves her life around the thought of love?
am i crazy ?…
wtf ….i need some soul searching.i need to find out what i really want.
and no it just cant be running away from...
what am i supposed to do...
i cant do anything.fight for him? will it even matter.i cant fight for something that doesn’t want me.Its a lost cause.
So i have to let him go.why did i hold on so tightly.i feel like a leach.No one likes a leach.
Why, out of all the man, did i fall for this one……cause one upon a time he made me feel so beautiful, so unique.Like i was important.And for once i didnt feel like...
Last night was horrible..
you like another girl…you think shes great and on top of that…
….shes a good enough reason to stay instead of going to colombia.
well, i guess i wasnt a good enough reason.
The past two years have been just about pain.Me getting my heart broken every three weeks.crying over dumb shit.
What a waste of time..
now the only thing i honestly want to do is leave.
cause im not...
oh joan...
smh. “how many more guys have you had sex with?”
how dare he say that :( .The cesar thing was a mistake.it was for immature revenge.
You did teach me to be better.i promise :(
I love him alot.how do i show him?
How do i make him happy -__-
mhmm ?
So i just read my first couple of blogs and im all like
damn i sound immature and obsessive.eww
did i grow some maturity within two months?
HELLS NAHH.lol
soo..
maybe its not as bad as when you left to another country for a while
sleepless nights ugh.
But tonights pretty bad.
im crying
for what?
your fucking god damn arms..
i want them to cuddle me :’(
March 2011
3 posts
sigh...
now even my mom doesn’t want me
shes letting me stay out of the house for 3 to 4 days?
thats not like her
ugh
heres a good song ….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LydS5nUeh7A
what?
yesterday morning i missed you
yesterday afternoon i ached for you
last night i realized….
my love for you is gone.
this clingyness i have for you...
is just me missing you…the old you..alot.
so ill sit here and take every lash of pain you got for me
until you leave.
February 2011
35 posts
Music....
is what feeling sound like.
if so…my feelings feel a little like john mayer and dave mathews right now.
Peace
i find peace in sleep
so maybe death is what i need.
Alone
…Thats what you feel when you have no friends
or you just choose to stay away from them so you can save yourself from heartache.
at work/alone
at school/alone
at lunch/alone
at home /alone
weekends? alone.
Because none of them are good enough friends to ask “whats been going on with you?”
or “hey wanna hang?”
ive become one of those people that no one will...
Ready to...
face hell?